


You Need to Calm Down

by BrisTime



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Lexi-centric, Rexi, Slow Burn, both of them are confused gays, lesbian love, lexi is a nervous gay wreck, lexi likes rue a lot, mentions of drug use, post s1 euphoria, rue is a dumbass, the writer loves lexi and so does everyone else, wlw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 05:14:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20252743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrisTime/pseuds/BrisTime
Summary: Fact: Lexi Howard has been in love with Rue Bennett longer than she could remember.Fact: Rue Bennett is an idiot who doesn't notice.Fiction: They are both handling the situation really, really well.Post-s1 of Euphoria





	You Need to Calm Down

So here’s the deal. Rue didn’t exactly know how or when she ended up in Lexi Howard’s twin size bed, with her sparkly white sheets over her and a certain girl’s arms tugged around her waist. When she’d imagined the night of the winter formal ending with her in bed with a girl, it wasn’t this exact one she’d thought of. 

In fact, she didn’t know whether Jules would’ve made any advances towards her that night considering she knew something had happened with her when she went into the city while Rue was suffering at home. When Jules told Rue about hooking up with Anna, a part of her was sad, knowing that she probably didn’t mean anything to Jules. And then that time in the stall- _ oh god. _

“I want you to wanna kiss me so bad that you don't even ask.” 

At that moment, Rue was almost certain that her and Jules would be doing something together that night. Then they shared a kiss, their realest one yet, and Rue knew that Jules would do whatever she told her do. If Rue said, “Let’s go kill Nate Jacobs right the _ fuck _ now! I’ll call Fezco, he knows thugs. We can cover it up and run away,” Jules would probably laugh along and agree. The problem was, that’s _ exactly _what Jules did. 

Rue made this elaborate plan to leave, to pack all their shit up and go into the city, maybe never even come back, because at that moment, she looked at Jules like she was her world. And she was, because Jules meant _ everything _to her. She was the reason she was happy again after a long time, and Rue wouldn’t have traded sharing their fucked up lives with each other over anything. The problem was, when Jules agreed to leave with Rue, Rue panicked.

It’s not the type of panic you get with a crush. Like, _ oh fuck me, she’s looking straight at me and probably noticed I was staring at her this entire time. _It’s not even the type of panic you get when your mom asks whether that old piggy bank you had as a kid that you brought up from your basement is holding your secret stash of coke in it, even though you’ve been clean for three months. No, Rue had been through all of that before but this was different. Rue panicked because for the first time in years, she realized all the times her mom and Gia had worried about her. All the times when Rue was as high as a kite and her mom and sister still didn’t know she had a drug problem, she never realized the effect her addiction had on them. Even when they were worried after her overdose, there were times when she genuinely would not remember what happened that day because she was so high. To now realize that she let them worry for years and she couldn’t let them down, not now when she finally patched things up, she couldn’t get on that train with Jules.

Her anxiety took hold and she didn’t know if what she just did ruined her life. Jules wasn’t the love of her life, let’s not be dramatic. But Jules was... _ Different_. The reason Rue didn’t do drugs all this time was yeah, of course, Jules said she didn’t want to be friends with her if she continued to, but also because Jules was like a drug. Fentanyl and Jules had an equal effect on her, being the best feelings she had ever felt. She even thought about it one day as she touched herself, something she didn’t get to do too much because it was either her anxiety telling her ‘you’re going to get caught’, or her depression saying ‘don’t do it there’s no point in exerting energy into this’, but Jules that one day had been a stress reliever like no other kind of drug out there. So Rue stayed clean all these months, something she hadn’t even imagined doing. She’d come close to taking a drink at a party or tracking Fezco down to force him to give her a fix of something these past few months, but never went through with it. 

Seeing Jules ride away on that train with her eyes still fixated on her, Rue felt like she wasn’t in control of her body. She could barely remember even getting home and the time in between, let alone everything that followed. 

There were bits and pieces from what she remembered of that night, but all of it was painful. She remembers crying the entire way home, her glitter and makeup running all over, thinking of how Jules just left her. She just left her! How could she?! _ Just like dad! _And then she came home, found her hidden stash of painkillers, crushed it up and snorted a line, and ended up in Lexi’s bed somehow.

Rue wishes she hadn’t snorted that line, she really did. She couldn’t get on that train with Jules for the whole reason of being back from her family, for god’s sake! On the walk home, Rue felt like nothing was worth it. Why give up the best feeling she ever had for people- drugs.

She’s not sure if she passed out and somebody found her, or if she overdosed again and this whole thing was her conscious a few days later, or maybe she was dead and everything was just a vision in the afterlife? Rue didn’t know, but one thing she did want to know was _ how the hell did I get into Lexi’s bed? _

\---

“Can I ask you something?”

“-Yeah.”

Lexi was drunk, maybe for the first time in a long, long time. Actually, now that she thought about it, she rarely drank. Maybe it’s because there were too many days where she came home to her mom passed out on the couch with wine spills staining every furniture of the house. Maybe it’s because her dad ruined himself by shooting himself up in secret until it blew up their family and nothing was the same again. Maybe it’s because Rue, the person she thought about more than Rue could ever imagine, almost died from an overdose less than a year ago and Lexi wouldn’t forgive herself if she knew there was something she could’ve done to prevent it.

With this Gatorade and Ever… ever.. What was it called? It didn’t matter, Lexi was drunk. She didn’t know if she liked it to be honest. She thought she would have had a fun time at the dance, maybe even get on the dance floor with Cassie or Rue at some point. But so far, she sat at the same table with Cassie the entire time and Rue had just walked off somewhere, leaving Jules on the dance floor.

She was drunk, she was alone, and she was curious. So Lexi asked Cassie something she knew would make her sound drunk, but she was the slightest bit aware of how ridiculous her question might sound to her sister. Either way, she wanted to know.

“How do you decide who you wanna hook up with?”

Cassie definitely was surprised, but she didn’t let it show. She just wanted to help her little sister out because whatever was happening, she knew that Lexi probably couldn’t handle it sober. 

“I don’t know, they usually just come to you.”

Well, that’s where Cassie was wrong. Because when Lexi had feelings for somebody, she was almost entirely sure they didn’t know, let alone be willing to ‘come to her.’ Nobody ever flirted with her the way they did with Cassie, she wasn’t a natural. It wasn’t always bad, Lexi thought, because relationships and hook ups just caused conflicted feelings. It’s not like what she felt now didn’t make her feel conflicted either, though.

“Yeah, but what if they don’t?”

Cassie smiled. She just wanted her little sis to be happy. Whatever she was thinking about in that drunk little mind of her’s, she wanted her to be happy. 

“Then go and do whoever the _ fuck _you want.”

_ Hm. Maybe I should. _

“Yeah…Okay...” Lexi looked over, taking her sister’s advice seriously, getting ready to go for it. “I’m gonna do that.”

Lexi kept looking across the dance floor, not being able to find the curly haired girl she was looking for. _ Fuck it. _

She got up at the next song and went into the crowd. God, she hated school dances. She started pushing through the crowd, and even though it was a slow dance, Lexi could’ve sworn she saw guys with their hands up girls’ dresses like they were ready to grind on each other. _ Ugh, so nasty! _

She went to the other side of the dance floor and looked around, but she wasn’t anywhere. She just saw couples dancing and girls who were by themselves dancing in groups of friends aimlessly. She saw Jules’s blonde head of hair and approached her, probably scaring her with her drunkenness because Jules kind of yelped when she saw Lexi. But no Rue.

“Oh, Lexi! Heyy.”

“Where’s Rue?” Lexi asked right away. 

It’s not that she didn’t like Jules. Lexi wasn’t a _ bitch _after all, but Jules kind of just moved in and took over Rue’s life. She made Rue happy, and frankly, as long as Rue was happy, so was Lexi. The thing was that in between those months Jules moved to town and now when her and Rue came as dates, Rue almost relapsed too many times to count. She ended up in a hospital with tubes in her. She ended up almost dying in bed. When Lexi thought of Jules, she tried really, really hard to think of her as a good thing for Rue. To face the truth, though, Lexi knew she couldn’t make herself believe that even if she tried.

“Oh, I thought maybe you knew?” _ Tough shit. _Lexi didn’t know if it was because she had alcohol in her system or if she was ready to go forth with Cassie’s advice, but she knew Jules wasn’t about to go over to her and ask her about Rue.

“No, but it’s clear you don’t.” Lexi walked off, almost in a marching stance. _ Shittt, did I really just say that? _ At that moment, Lexi Howard felt like a self certified badass. _ Thanks Cassie. _

She walked through the crowd again, looking left and right for any sign of Rue. Nothing.

_ Maybe Cassie’s advice doesn’t work when the girl you want to talk to isn’t even fucking there. _Lexi meant to sigh but out came a grunt. She was frustrated because after all this time, when she was ready to do something she had waited for, something she never even thought about going through with, of course the person she wanted to approach wasn’t there.

She returned back to the table and Cassie was still there by herself. 

“What happened, didn’t find whoever you were looking for.”

“No....” Lexi wanted to tell Cassie all about her frustrations, ask for help because she knew Cassie wouldn’t judge. Something just kept her from doing it and Lexi hated herself for it.

“Hey, we got each other.” Cassie smiled, nudging her sister’s arm. Of course Cassie was right, but Lexi wanted that night to be different. She didn’t want it to be that sad, depressing life where she has no friends besides her sister. As much as she loved Cassie, she craved something more. 

They spent the next half an hour on their phones at the table, when this cheerleader type girl came up and propped herself down at their table. Cassie and Lexi were both stunned but knew that this was the girl whose ass Nate had his hands groping earlier that night. _ Ew. _

“I thought this was gonna be a night I’d remember forever,” the girl started, crying all over like a mess.

Comforting the girl, Lexi insisted that the girl was probably feeling the same way she was. Like she could’ve been the most ambitious and done the craziest thing that night with somebody she’s thought about for ages, but just when she went to do it, of course the plan fell to shit. 

“I think you will remember it forever. Like, not in a bad way… just in a way that stays with you.” Still drunk, Lexi sighed and looked down. She kind of just wanted to go home with Cassie, but Cassie wanted to stay to keep tabs on Maddy. She was a good friend, so Lexi couldn’t argue with that. 

Putting her phone down, she looked around. Not able to see Jules anymore, she assumed the worst. Jules and Rue were gone, probably making out or going down on each other, they had to have. Rue was confessing all her love and feelings for Jules and Jules was getting ready to take Rue out to places Lexi had never even thought about going to. There was Lexi, miserable, alone, and drunk.

In the gym full of sweaty kids grinding on each other and rapping along to songs they definitely did not know the words to, Lexi thought back to the first day of school that year in the gym. Just a few days before, Rue had shown up to Lexi’s house breathless and Lexi thought she was going to ask to hang out before school starts or something, but instead she asked for her fucking pee. And Lexi fucking said yes, because she couldn’t say no. _ I gave my fucking pee to her. _Even after that, when Rue was up in front of their gym class, Lexi would’ve said yes right there in front of everyone. Instead, Rue broke out near tears and was shaking, sweat glistening from her forehead under her hood, looking everywhere but at her class and Lexi knew Rue wasn't capable of handling this.

When a couple girls muttered something, teasing Rue, Lexi heard and could not believe her ears. _ Seriously? Are they five fucking years old?! _

“You’re being fucking rude.” Lexi couldn’t handle kids like them. You know, she was actually pretty happy that day up until that point. She dressed up, put on full glam, asked Cassie to curl her hair into waves, because it was the first day of school and everybody dressed up. People like those girls were the reason Lexi usually didn’t even try, because everybody was such a fucking asshole! There wasn’t a point in looking nice when people were just going to shit. 

The day got even worse when she confronted Rue after the gym incident, and all she got was hurt. 

“You’re so _ fucking _stupid, Lexi.”

It hurt, because what the hell did she do wrong?

Pretending like she wasn’t just hurt, she wanted to help Rue. “Why?” She could tell she wasn’t clean, she was probably all cooped up with drugs in her system, but to add to it all Lexi knew Rue had bad anxiety.

“‘Cause already flushed everything down the fucking toilet!”

“Well, I just came to check on you-”

“I DON- I don’t want you to fucking check on me! Whether I’m fine or not fine, what difference are you going to make. You’re gonna give me some life advice? You’re gonna fuckin help me?” Rue was scaring her and Lexi had to admit, she was afraid she could even punch her at that moment just like she slammed the stall door open.

She kept her stand and turned to confront Rue. She had to do this.

“Well, you’re like one of my best friends-”

“Give me a fuckin break! ‘Cuz we went to fuckin preschool together? That does not make us best FUCKING friends.”

Lexi was hurt, again. Of course they hadn’t been as close as they once were when they were kids. People grow apart and so did they. But everytime they had a class together, everytime one of them saw each other, everytime Rue saw Cassie with her sister, they came to each other because of this sense of comfort that never left them. A hard lump formed in the back of her throat and Lexi tried to swallow it down. She almost cried but then snapped back, because she wasn’t about to let Rue treat her like a pee dispenser. 

“You say all this, but what happens in three days when you knock on my door asking me to piss in some Tylenol bottle.” Rue turned around, and maybe she realized Lexi was hurt by all this. But the more probable answer was that Rue was so insanely high that she couldn’t comprehend a single word coming from Lexi’s blabbering mouth. 

“...what. You’re gonna say the opposite, how we’ve known each other since preschool and we’re best friends? It’s like you have a split personality disorder.” It wasn’t even worth it sometimes. 

Rue just wasn’t the same since her dad passed, and Lexi knew the drug problem had to have started then. Before then, Rue didn’t hide herself in hoodies or sit slumped at school desks, dissociating herself from the rest of the people around her. Sometimes, Lexi was just tired of it all.

“Sorry if I miss the old you…”

From that day, Lexi didn’t wear much more makeup until the school dance unless Cassie dressed her up. She dressed up as Bob Ross for halloween, because she didn’t want to dress up like every other slutty girl costume. Rue did the same, apparently, because from what she could tell from her tuxedo, she was Marlene Dietrich, _ ultimate dyke_, and Lexi loved that. Other than that, the year went along slowly, things just happening one after another, mess after mess with Rue, until the winter formal.

Cassie came back from the dance floor where she had just talked to Maddy and seemed the slightest bit pissed. 

“Let’s go home.” Cassie said, grabbing her clutch and phone from the table.

Confused, Lexi just looked up to Cassie and asked, “What about Maddy?”

“She decided to dance with Nate. I asked her and she said she would get a ride with him.”

“Wait, wha… is she going home with him?”

“I don’t know, their whole thing confuses me. Let’s just go Lexi. You ready?”

Looking around, Lexi didn’t see a sign of the person she was looking for, and decided to give it a rest. 

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Cassie and Lexi left probably an hour before the dance ended. The last few songs were always slow dances, and yeah sure Cassie and Lexi were the type of sisters that would even dance with each other for fun. But that night Lexi could tell Cassie was still getting used to the feeling of being alone. She finally understood how Lexi always felt, even if she blamed it on Lexi being “shy.”

Driving home, Lexi leaned against the passenger seat window, staring out as they passed the houses. The streets were dark and so were most houses. When they got to the stop sign before the street Rue lived on, Lexi looked up.

“What’s wrong.”

“Wai- wait, hold up. Can you stop in front of Rue’s house?”

“What-”

“Cassie just do it!”

So Cassie drove further down and slowed to a stop when they approached Rue’s house. The lights were all off, including the upstairs light. Rue wasn’t home.

“Okay…. Let’s go home now.”

Cassie kept looking over at Lexi, confused as to whether this was just Lexi being drunk or Lexi looking out for her friend.

Lexi took out her phone and scrolled through her messages before realizing that Rue was all the way at the top and the last text she had sent. She started typing.

_ heyy rue _  
_hope u got home safe w jules, text me when u get home _  
_ tonight was fun, we should hang again soon.._

Lexi stared at her phone, feeling like an idiot. _ She’s not going to reply to that, stupid. _

She deleted a part of it and debated what to text her.

_ heyy rue _ _  
_ _ hope u got home safe w jules, text me when u get home.. _

Lexi wanted to take her sister’s advice from earlier than night so seriously. Like, it wasn’t even funny how open Lexi wanted to be right now. So she continued typing.

_ heyy rue _  
_ hope u got home safe w jules, text me when u get home _ _  
i really miss u and i need to talk to you about something, text me please_

Tapping her phone with her nail, Lexi read over the text probably ten times. _ No, that sounds too needy, fuck. _So she deleted everything and just closed her phone, throwing it on her lap and hitting her head back on the seat. 

“You ‘kay there Lexi?”

“Mm.” was all that Lexi replied, not wanting to talk about it.

“Who were you looking for tonight?”

“What?” Lexi shifted her body to face Cassie, and Cassie just gave her a suggestive look.

“Was it Rue, maybe?”

“What!? No- no… no, it was nobody.”

“Oh… okay.” 

The rest of the ride back, Lexi closed her eyes, trying to forget the events of that night and fall asleep. Alcohol made her tired, but this was one of the first times she tried strong vodka. This Everclear stuff must’ve had the opposite effect, because she felt the opposite of tired at that moment. When Cassie pulled into their driveway, Lexi was out of the car before Cassie had unbuckled her seatbelt, walking into the house. She tiptoed in, knowing their mom had probably fallen asleep on the couch again with wine and popcorn spilled all over. 

As she made it up, she pulled out her phone. 

_ 1 new message. _

_ Holy shit, maybe it’s her, _Lexi thought, quickly swiping through her phone lockscreen. She ran into her bedroom and jumped into her bed before opening up her texts.

_ hey tell cassie i’m sorry for tonight _ _  
_ _ i’m not gonna stay with that fuckup anymore. _

_ Oh, just Maddy. _Lexi sighed, closing her phone and throwing it across her bed before getting up to take off her clothes and makeup. Of course it wasn’t Rue, how could she be so dumb? 

By the time both Lexi and Cassie were in bed, Lexi was still awake and was almost entirely sure Cassie was asleep. They often fell asleep talking to each other and Lexi didn’t want to wake her sister up by asking if she was awake because unlike Lexi, who could sleep through an earthquake if one happened, Cassie would wake up at the sound of somebody else breathing. 

“Lexi?” 

Oh, Cassie was awake!

“Hi.” was all that Lexi replied. Even though she wasn’t exactly tired, she still felt too weak to form more than a few words at a time.

“What did you mean when you meant you were gonna go do somebody? Like when I told you to fuck whoever the fuck you wanted, you never really ask anything like that.” 

Oh god. Lexi really didn’t want to answer that, at least not right now. Thinking about how to answer her sister for a few seconds before she replied, Lexi realized that Cassie probably already knew why she asked. Still, she would tell her another time, if she remembered tonight.

“I don’t know. Wuzjustwondering…. I guess.” Lexi’s speech blurred together.

“Oh…” Cassie almost sounded disappointed and Lexi frowned in the dark. “Alright I’m about to pass out, night Lex.”

“Mm.” Lexi agreed, waiting for the sounds of her sister’s breath to come to a pattern before taking her phone off her nightstand and putting in her airpods under her covers. She switched to Prime to watch her favorite show at the moment until she fell asleep. Better than just staring at the ceiling until she fell asleep.

She switched to this show called ‘Good Omens’ about the end of the world. For some reason, the angel and demon pairing of the main characters seemed to be in love, but always denied their feelings for each other. To be frank, Lexi was kind of confused by the whole plot, but watched it solely for their characters. At one point she paused the show and smirked, because it honestly felt like because the show took place present day, the actual world was ending. Sometimes it really felt like that.

It was so hard not to laugh to not wake her sister up from across the room, so Lexi would laugh quietly under her breath. This must’ve been the best part of her night, which was so sad because she had gone to the school dance. So as she watched a demon and angel bicker over the tv show, Lexi’s eyes slowly grew heavy and she fell asleep. Her phone screen turned off eventually when she didn’t switch to the next episode, falling asleep on top of it. That night, Lexi dreamt about one certain girl and doing things that Lexi had never done with another person. Lexi smiled in her sleep, her subconscious making her believe it was real. In the morning, she probably wouldn’t remember, but at night, her mind would play tricks on her to make it all seem real. Her arms and someone’s brown arms intertwined with wrinkled sheets in between them. Bodies fit together with their curvature around one another like a jigsaw puzzle, lips touching.

While she was asleep, she dreamed a dream, one that was recurring and she had had before. Opposite of Cassie, her phone vibrating under her or lighting up wouldn’t have woken her up in a million years. In a deep slumber, Lexi’s phone kept vibrating and lighting up from under her, enough times that she should’ve woken up. And if she woke up and were to slide open her screen, she would see that the text was from Rue, the person she wanted to text earlier that night and didn’t, and she would then see that it was something that would’ve made her jump out of bed, run out her house, and bike for miles for.

_ help me._

**Author's Note:**

> What do you guys think? Me? I love Lexi's character and just had to write a Rexi fic after being inspired by others. They HAVE to be canon, I mean come on! I also am OBSESSED with Euphoria, so there's that.
> 
> Went back to some episodes and did ~research~ for canon integration (first ep, dance, Lexi's room). Any other Good Omens fans out there? Had to add the gay from there into this, seems like something Lexi would like lol.  
Hoping to add in a bunch of slow burn and angst ;))
> 
> Writing another stranger things wip simultaneously, but hoping to post new chapters frequently! Let me know what you think :)  
Come talk to me on my tumblr! @visionssofgideon


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